???

its hard to define what i’m feeling.

i’m happy.

and sad at the same time.

i don’t know what feeling feels more.

i don’t even know why i’m happy.

nor why i’m sad.

this is a very complicated emotion. i don’t even know if i’ve used the right words. and what’s worst is, i don’t know how to comfort myself, or even if i need any comfort.

and then i ask myself so many questions.

and because of this, i can no longer concentrate on what i’m doing. i am no longer myself these days. i feel like i’ve changed quite a lot. i don’t know if i like what’s happening. sometimes i feel bothered, sometimes i don’t.

i no longer understand myself.

P.S. this post is such a waste of time. 

of straight and curly hair

i was riding the MRT on my way home. i always choose to board the first part of the train because its reserved for female/elderly/disabled passengers only, hence, no siksikan. and i wanted to avoid those stupid jerks and perverts that purposely bumps you in all the wrong places and perfect assholes who don’t even offer their seat to you even though you’re doubling up in pain from menstruation cramps.

anyway, as i was saying, i was riding the MRT on my way home yesterday. for the benefit of the doubt, i have curly hair. i was so tired of my straight and boring hair, so i decided to curl it last month. there was this group of girls, all dressed up in a corporate attire. and like every girl you see nowadays, they have long and uber straight hair. they kept on looking at me and my dirty chucks and of course, my curly hair. they kept on giggling and whispering to each other. i was really pissed of and i was having this great daydream of pulling their hair off and slamming their faces on the MRT doors when suddenly the 4 of them starts flipping their long straight hair this way and that - like the way models do in the commercials only they look pretty stupid. no amount of make up, or business attire, or even rebonding money can make them look beautiful. and top it all of, their flipping their long hair like mad.

so instead of getting angry and wanting to pull their hair off, i laughed.

you should have seen them, they looked so stupid. 

awww…

i know i shouldn’t be going through other people’s messages. its very unethical. pero i couldn’t help myself. i wanted to know what’s going on because i’m worried for him. after all, he is my brother.

since naka-save dito sa pc yung password and email niya sa friendster, i decided to log in using his account. i went through his messages. i’ve read A LOT of things and i can’t help but feel sorry for him.

i didn’t knew he was going through so much, just because of this girl. i can’t believe it. i wish that i could talk to him about it, but what do i know? i’m just a 17 year-old girl, also in love. but what can i make out of it? kung tutuusin, wala din naman akong alam. but still, i want to share something with him. i want to offer words of comfort. kahit papaano naman kasi, i understand what his feeling.

nakakainis lang.i feel so helpless. gusto kong tumulong, pero kapag may ginawa akong move baka magalit lang siya.haay… 

2 years old

It was 2 years ago that i met you. 2 years ago that i started loving you. and yet it seems like it was just yesterday. its funny how time simply passes you by. i can only smile while i think about all that we’ve been through. the problems we used to have, now is nothing more but the subject of our jokes.

as i look at your face, quietly sleeping, i realize how happy i am with you, how you’ve turned my world upside down. i can’t help but kiss you softly and whisper just how much i love you. but you stirred in your sleep. and then you smiled, hugged me and said the words that melted my heart.

its been 2 years. i’m looking forward for more to come.

Happy Anniversary baby.

deviant

i finally have time to update. 

my crappy pieces of work that i call art

knock yourselves out.