yehey!

bati na kami! yey for me! yey for us!

anyway, i’ve been addicted AGAIN to The Sims 2. This morning, I’ve created a new family - featuring of course me and my boyfriend with our lovely 2 kids. I really had fun playing the game, and watching the sims go by without me ordering them. its really suprising at times when they suddenly do things that me and my boyfriend normally do in reality.

like this snapshot of our family. it just turned out that way and i never meant for the sims to pose that way. it put a smile on my face because my sim and his sim looks so happily in-love, so fun, so carefree. and the kids are adorable. they look really happy. our family looks so happy. i wish that when i do have a family with him, it will be happy like the family i created in The Sims 2.

since boredom takes a hold of me, i’ve been doing alot of sneaky stuffs in The Sims 2. you can not imagine all the cool stuff they can do now. and i’ve tried each and every one of them! too bad i didn’t print screen all of it. maybe next time.

meanwhile, i will share with you this two screenshots. i didn’t meant any of this to happen. the two of them suddenly did those things as if they have their own minds!

i was watching the kids play with one another when i spotted that my sim and his sim was making out in the couch! FUN! they we’re rolling and rolling, and speaking naughty words (although i couldn’t understand. to all those who play the sims, you do know that they talk gibberish.) and caressing each other’s backs. it was HOT. hehehe

then at night, they “woohoo”(ed) in the bed. Woohoo is the sim’s term for having sex. (sweet) and slept afterwards. my boyfriend’s sim suddenly hugged me out of nowhere and i looked at him and continued sleeping.

it was really sweet.

sometimes i wish my life was as perfect as that. 

broken

this is all my fault. and his fault too, in some ways. i guess this time off will do something good for the both of us. but i can’t deny that it’s hurting me in some ways. fighting is what we do everyday. practically, we’d only stop fighting for about 4 hours, and we’d fight again.

i blame my self. i’ve turned into someone i never thought i would be. too much jealousy. too much paranoia. too many questions. i’ve turned into a bitchy-possesive girlfriend and i hate myself for it. i cannot say that i pushed myself to be this way. one day i just became THIS and i never stopped having a go with him.

i watched That 70’s show last night and heard this line “It’s all fun and games when you’re making out in the couch, but wait till she turns into a bitch.” or some line that goes like that. and i practically cried for god’s sake! i’ve realized that i’ve turned into someone that nobody would ever love.

so right now, i feel so lonely because my phone hasn’t beeped nor rung. i feel so unwanted. i feel so unloved. and being stuck here at home isn’t helping me either.

but i comfort myself by saying that this time off will bring something good in the relationship. i know that i’ve been a real bitch for the past months and i know that i could banish that habit (that habit, by the way, just suddenly popped up out of nowhere, so i think it could banish as easily as it had appeared.) and i’ve given him alot of time for himself. after all, every person has the right to their individuality eventhough they are in a relationship.

but i miss him terribly though. sigh. 

shoot, bam, wham!

i really want to shoot myself. or for someone else to do it for me if i lack the guts to do so.
 
shit is what i get when i’m left all alone. I shouldn’t be left alone with my thoughts for too long. It’s too dangerous because sooner or later my minds starts playing tricks on me and I get delusional.
 
It’s just sometimes I feel so dead. Like I’m just a lifeless person trying to live in a broken world. But there are other times when I just blissfully forget there is so much wrong in the world and makes me believe that everything will turn out right. It’s so much easier if I could just shut out all the bad stuff happening around me and lie to myself, tell myself that everything’s all right - even though we all know that everything isn’t.

But lately, all i could think of is the bad stuff. i hate it when i get paranoid.  

can someone just shoot me?

i’ve always HATED the rich and famous. those spoiled brats that can buy anything they want. but why do i love to read bryanboy’s blog? god, i am so fucked up.

he talks about nothing but shopping, cosmetics, travelling, and just how fucking rich he is. i HATE him! but i love the way he writes - he’s dripping with sarcasm. i like the taste.

***

we turned 17 months today, and we wouldn’t be able to see each other. let me get the story across by stating the GOOD, the BAD, and the UGLY:

the GOOD : we’ve spent 17 months together that’s been full of life experiences, lessons delivered through fun and tears.

the BAD : we won’t be seeing each other today, nor for the next 3 weeks.

the UGLY : we’ve been fighting non-stop for 3 days straight.

see how wonderful my life is?

***

i don’t even have my camera anymore. i let my brother use it for the vacation to take pictures of my niece, who, by the way, had just got her baptismal yesterday. not that you would be interested with that.

i can’t even camwhore for the remaining hours of this dreadful day. i can’t even get enough inspiration to draw! it frustrates the hell out of me.

see how wonderful my life is?

***

i want to go out with my friends and just hang out at our usual place in coffee experience in sm north edsa. i would smoke till my lungs scream for mercy. and i would drink a nice cappucino granita, with mushroom trios and i would be up in heaven in no time.

but my mom wouldn’t allow me to go out. she says why can’t i think of any productive thing to do while i’m on vacation.

that’s why i ended up smoking in the bathroom while taking a crap.

see how wonderful my life is? 

***

my dad is pressuring me to go to UP to work on my papers for getting in. he doesn’t want me to study in mapua anymore for the simple reason that its too far away from home.

but what will happen to the 3 sems i worked hard on for the past months in mapua? what will become of the 90,000 bucks that my parents spent for my education in mapua for those 3 sems? i’m so damn sure that UP would credit none of my hardwork in mapua and i will end up being a freshman again. i would go back to studying mathematics, algebra, calculus, physics, chemistry and all those shit.

i would really feel that i’m a student again if i study in UP because of all the school work they give out.

see how damn wonderful my freakin’ life is?

*** 

he’s still not texting me, nor even give me a ring.

can someone just shoot me? 

bored

i’ve created this character that reflects me. yeah, i really do want to dye my hair pink.

she will soon star on her own short movie. or a comic strip. much like the ones in asofterworld.com - if by any chance i get inspired to make such comic strips and if they turn out good, i may just sell it.

this is what happens when i eat shakey’s pizza 3 times a day, 4 days in a row - i hallucinate.