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these are not. letters to people. stuff to be passed on as gossip or gospel. this is just my story. how i see things. history as it unfolds. life as it revolves. around me. around you. around us.

broken

March 29, 2006

this is all my fault. and his fault too, in some ways. i guess this time off will do something good for the both of us. but i can’t deny that it’s hurting me in some ways. fighting is what we do everyday. practically, we’d only stop fighting for about 4 hours, and we’d fight again.

i blame my self. i’ve turned into someone i never thought i would be. too much jealousy. too much paranoia. too many questions. i’ve turned into a bitchy-possesive girlfriend and i hate myself for it. i cannot say that i pushed myself to be this way. one day i just became THIS and i never stopped having a go with him.

i watched That 70’s show last night and heard this line “It’s all fun and games when you’re making out in the couch, but wait till she turns into a bitch.” or some line that goes like that. and i practically cried for god’s sake! i’ve realized that i’ve turned into someone that nobody would ever love.

so right now, i feel so lonely because my phone hasn’t beeped nor rung. i feel so unwanted. i feel so unloved. and being stuck here at home isn’t helping me either.

but i comfort myself by saying that this time off will bring something good in the relationship. i know that i’ve been a real bitch for the past months and i know that i could banish that habit (that habit, by the way, just suddenly popped up out of nowhere, so i think it could banish as easily as it had appeared.) and i’ve given him alot of time for himself. after all, every person has the right to their individuality eventhough they are in a relationship.

but i miss him terribly though. sigh. 

Posted by ayel at 5:32 pm | permalink

Previous Comments

nice graphics! reminds me of the time i was all gaga over some guy who was never really worth any minute i spent with him.. but i did anyways.. lol.. so yeah yeah i really do know the feeling of crafting ur own suicide.. i remember my friend telling me im masochistic.. hell. thank god thats all over. someday, whatever yer goin thru would also be over.. not the relationship i mean.. but this phase of the relationship yer goin thru.. i remember reading somewhere.. if yer not happy.. then it means its not over yet. think things over :)

Posted by mushy at March 29, 2006, 10:10 pm

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