a week ago

Imagine this:

You’ve been having a bad day. You got late from school because you went back 2 times to your house because you forgot to bring the request letter, and you forgot again the gift for your friend. When you got to school, you gave your friend her gift, but then the blouse that you gave is too large for her. Total embarassment isn’t it? Then your boyfriend starts texting you and got mad because he didn’t know you were going to some birthday party without him. After the party, you immediately rode the jeepney, then the mrt, then another jeep that will take you to their place. You waited for 2 hours in a fast food chain near their house for him to show up. He texted you instead and told you to wait outside their gate. So you did and you waited for another 10 minutes and all the truck drivers passing you by on the street are honking their horns and shouting perverted things. Since you’ve been having a bad day yourself, you shout back and curse those assholes. It isn’t just truck drivers, jeepney drivers are the worst. They keep stopping right in front of you and saying “Ganda, sakay na.” or “Miss, pasok na” with their stupid broad perverted grins eventhough its pretty obvious that you’re not flagging them down or even looking at the goddamn street. You’re pissed off. And the first person that you see is your boyfriend coming out of the gate. He approaches you and said “Tara, pasok na tayo house” and you slapped him right across the face and you know that it’s gonna leave a mark. You then shout “Don’t YOU EVER! EVER! make ME wait AGAIN!”

And all of a sudden, you’re not so pissed anymore. ^_^ 

can’t wait for vacation!

while others had their 2-month or 3-month long summer vacation, having their skins tanned in the beach or playing chicken fights on the pool, while they go from one resort to another, sleep on one hotel to another, and while they gobble down foods from restaurants or foods from pot luck from family reunions, I on the other hand, along with fellow classmates, are struggling on our 4th term in school. we also have our skins tanned from walking to and fro the jeepney rides. while they go from one resort to another, we go from one class to another, trying to absorb what they’re teaching because our minds are wandering someplace else. we gobble down fast food because we have no other choice.

but all of that is about to end. 1 more week to go, and its vacation for me! whoopee! even though it will only be a 3-week vacation, i’m so thankful for it! but before i celebrate, i still have a lot of work to do, and i only have a week left:

* make TV commercial AND radio commercial AND a print ad for PNP. (like duh, it will be so hard to get inside Camp Crame. go figure)

* make a children’s picture book (10 pages) on Adobe Illustrator  (i’m on page 5!)

* create a script on the 2 short stories that i’ve created (zero progress)

i think i can finish these by next week. i have super amazing powers. hehehe.

and by the time vacation comes, my dear bed, here i come! ^_^ 

*** 

anyway, last night i was acting really weird. like i was being “super art attack girl” i painted over my cellphone casing and it looked really retro! i painted and painted stuff on my sketchbook and it really looked weird. in a fucking good way. i didn’t know i was able to make such a beautiful piece! i even admired the way my hand looked last night. it was dirty and covered with different colors of paint. and i liked it! i didn’t want to wash my hand of and i wanted to print it on shirt. then it hit me again! i raided my closet for a plain white shirt and i started painting all over it. COOLNESS is a word that could describe what turned out! hahaha! i wish everyday i’ll be “super art attack girl”. 

yipee!

we got back together. need i say anything more? ^_^

life is soooooo unpredictable. one day it picks on you and makes you miserable, the next it rewards you for living through one yesterday that almost killed you.

i’m so happy. ^_^ 

i should have seen it coming

i guess i set myself so much in believing that we would last forever.
i can blame it on the little girl living inside of me, foolishly believing in happy endings.

how do you start picking up the pieces?
how do you start being happy again when the walls you built with dreams and love suddenly falls apart?
how do you live again?
how can you breathe again?

i built my whole world around him. he was the foundation of my dreams. he was my life.

now he’s gone.

its funny when i look back on the 19 months we shared together. 19 months might seem like a short time to you, but those 19 months we shared seemed like a lifetime to me. we laughed together. cried together. fought with one another (all the fucking time). fought for each other. learned together. dreamed together.

but now he’s gone.

i’ve lost all hope to be happy again. i will never be able to forget him and all the memories we shared. he will have my heart forever and a part of me will always be longing for him. he took something away from me that i will never be able to get back. i have regrets, but regrets will be a waste of my time.

i’m struggling to live. struggling to put a smile on my face. struggling to laugh and make friends. struggling to make myself believe that i shouldn’t be sad without him. struggling to fool myself into thinking that he’s not worth the tears. struggling to not let others hear the sound of my heart breaking. struggling to keep my tears from falling. struggling to pick up all the pieces. i’m struggling. i’m fighting. but its very tiring.