Home » Archives » 07. June 2006
these are not. letters to people. stuff to be passed on as gossip or gospel. this is just my story. how i see things. history as it unfolds. life as it revolves. around me. around you. around us.

i should have seen it coming

June 7, 2006

i guess i set myself so much in believing that we would last forever.
i can blame it on the little girl living inside of me, foolishly believing in happy endings.

how do you start picking up the pieces?
how do you start being happy again when the walls you built with dreams and love suddenly falls apart?
how do you live again?
how can you breathe again?

i built my whole world around him. he was the foundation of my dreams. he was my life.

now he’s gone.

its funny when i look back on the 19 months we shared together. 19 months might seem like a short time to you, but those 19 months we shared seemed like a lifetime to me. we laughed together. cried together. fought with one another (all the fucking time). fought for each other. learned together. dreamed together.

but now he’s gone.

i’ve lost all hope to be happy again. i will never be able to forget him and all the memories we shared. he will have my heart forever and a part of me will always be longing for him. he took something away from me that i will never be able to get back. i have regrets, but regrets will be a waste of my time.

i’m struggling to live. struggling to put a smile on my face. struggling to laugh and make friends. struggling to make myself believe that i shouldn’t be sad without him. struggling to fool myself into thinking that he’s not worth the tears. struggling to not let others hear the sound of my heart breaking. struggling to keep my tears from falling. struggling to pick up all the pieces. i’m struggling. i’m fighting. but its very tiring.

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